Me in 2011: I want to publish a book.
Me in 2021: …
But yes, still, I want to publish a(nother) book. However, stronger reasoning should fill in those dots. It has been a decade, a lot has changed since. I have been volunteering and working as a copy and content writer. Thankfully, it has enriched my voice, knowledge, and point of view. At first, I didn’t really think about it and times passed like strangers on the streets. Gone and unnoticed. Three years. I have been diving on this side of the ocean for three years. Throughout the time, I met more and more people. And earlier this year, someone asked me that same question:
“Why do you write?”
“Because I like writing.”
“Why do you like writing?”
“I- I- I- *stutters* i don’t know. I just like it?”
The conversation shifted but not my mind. I reflected on it for nights. The thought grew into bigger shadows who fought herself. It was definitely not my best time. I re-questioned my values and purposes. I read my old journals and found: nothing. Not specifically about “why do I write?”. So this is me writing a new entry.
#1: To pay the bills (& have more money).
Adulting, am I right? At first, I was just volunteering but I’m lucky enough to have amazing mentors who believe in me and my work. They offered me to work for them. Ever since then, I have been purchasing more food. Primary needs, Peeps. Sandang, pangan, papan.
#2: To speak up (out, loud, and proud).
“I- I- I- *stutters* I’m not good with speaking.”. When I open my mouth, my tendency to blabber is very very high. My spoken words ran in circles as if they’re competing in a marathon. And I am not a big fan of sports, so yeah. Writing has been my alternative — or primary — way to express what I feel, think, and believe.
#3: To hide… (cont.)
It is no secret that there are a lot of unsafe places. Thus, hiding is still one of the ways to be (read: feel) safe. Through writing, I can insert my most private and intimate thoughts I am too afraid to express bluntly. Also, I’m quite relieved not all people like to read lengthy pieces, which means only a few really REALLY get me. Kudos to you who still read this sentence. You have found my hiding place.
#4: and seek.
Yes. I am seeking people. You. I bet if you keep reading until this sentence, you may have agreed to some of the things I may have mentioned before. I remember someone said to me “Opposite attracts is overrated. Like-minded people should have a stronger attraction.”. That statement really sits inside my brain until this date. I am grateful to have found a number of people, you perhaps, that click with my words. I wish you great things.
#5: To connect.
“Writing is a lonely job.”, they say. So, I want to connect. It is better to feel lonely together than lonely alone. I have joined a number of writing events and communities that made me feel less lonely. The writer’s boat is so big. Too huge. I have been sitting in just one spot, without recognizing another soul marking her spot five meters apart from me. All we needed was just one drink, one spilled tea, and “Oh my God, I thought I’m the only one!”. And, the rest is history.
Writing has been a friend I ran to for a decade now. She doesn’t demand weekly meetings or constant updates. She doesn’t get mad when I abandon her for days when I don’t have the energy to talk to her. It is not her who needs me. It is I who needs her.
So, back again to the question.
Why do I write?
E. All of the above.
