A Third Place But First in My Heart

I didn’t learn the concept about third place until sometime last year. When I started reading about the topic, this one place pops up in my head. It is a library close to my office. My friends and I spend most of our days there as well to the point our chats become “ke perpus gak besok/hari ini?” or “perpus yuk”.

Okay, before I go further, let me drop a sentence that will give you the idea about “What is a third place?”. Not in a sense of winning competition as the third one. No. It’s more about because the first place in our lives is our house, the second is work. Then, in between those two is that third place. Functionally, a third place is a familiar public spot where you regularly connect with others known and unknown, over a shared interest or activity. This term was coined by a sociologist named Ray Oldenburg. More about it? Open a new tab and go do your own research because I want to continue talking about my third place — (sorry and thank you).

It has not been a year since this library is opened, but somehow I grow my fondness and attachment to the place and the people. I made friends here (as a mid-twenties!). I sometimes work here. I share about what I do. I sit in the writer’s corner and process my personal projects. I even ask for accountability and support from some members of this library.

Looking back, this place reminds me of my middle school. First of all, it has lockers! My middle school friends may know this too well how I have a very personal spot for lockers, because it was the place for us to gather and lean on the doors. We talked on recess time or gossiped at lunch and talked some more after school hours. A few months back, that specific scene from the past become my present again. It feels like falling in love again with an old lover. The next reason is definitely the cult-ish behaviour of reading. Back in middle school, there was a phase where I and my friends who read (and watched ) The Hunger Games (religiously) would literally sat in a circle and yapped about everything related to that. We talked about the book, commented about the red carpet dresses and suits. We were basically the offline version of fyeahthehungergames.tumblr.com. Now, having this library means there are people who read the same books that I borrow. Naturally, I like to greet people who read the books I have read. Sometimes it becomes a conversation that makes my day. And of course through that conversation, I started to “eh si ini juga baca buku itu lho.”. Funnily, reading becomes a collective activity again and recommending books feels like a (more trusted) multi-level marketing. This place makes me reminisce about my middle school years minus the walking on egg shells.

A few weeks ago, I saw a tweet from a fellow library member who I also consider a friend. She was confronted of how in every inconvenience, her solution was always going to the library. Somehow, I resonate to that.

Back in January, a member “sells” her friendship bracelets for people to “buy” as a donation for Palestine. Then, I also contributed to make more of that friendship bracelets with the other members.

And this weekend, the library holds a Bukber event for members. I joined that. I kid you not, it is 1 AM in the morning and I am still hyped from happiness. Smiling ear to ear due to the wholesomeness I felt. I saw a lot of familiar faces. I hugged my friends. I get to know new people. We talked about books and reading. There’s also a conversation starter card to help the (mostly) introverted readers connect with each other. It is a well designed event. They also make bracelets for us members to connect with each other. We were given a bracelet with a description about someone else, so we have to ask around which person fits that description. It feels like a mixer with a specific prompt of conversation starter.

The event ends around 7PM. However, some of us still stayed. After being the so-called reader, we put songs on queue and did some karaoke. We sang to Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Niki, Paramore, Melly Goeslaw, Ratu, and many more. It was like another facade of our identity. But I enjoyed seeing all that. Even I feel safe showing them that side of me.

At around 9 PM, people are starting to go home. However, in front of me there are still pals playing card game. Laughing over edge cliff inside jokes and making more of it. Another pal sits next to me. She lays her head on my shoulder and says, “I don’t want to go home yet.”. I look at her and nod. She puts her arms around me and I let her hold on to me. What I’m experiencing is something so serene, so genuine, and so peaceful. This is the kind of love and safety I want to continue experience for the rest of my whole life. This communal love is my standard. It is all familial, platonic, and romantic.

For those who haven’t find their third place, I hope you’ll find it soon and may it be as empowering as mine. For those who already have their third place, hold on to that. Hold on to them.