(try listening to John Mayer — Changing)
Honestly, I have been feeling the year-end or holiday blues for about a week now. Right after my last class in my uni, all the feelings rush into me. Next year there will be no more classes. It will be mostly individual struggles with our thesis. Yes, some of us will still be going to the campus to do experiments and stuff, but still, it will not be the same. I am thankful for my uni experience: friends, lecturers, lab sessions, and others. High school was a rough patch and uni seems to be the cure. I get to meet more people and become friends with them.
For the past few days, some of my friends reposted pieces of stuff that happened during the year. Achievements, breakdowns, out of town trips, classes and lab activity, but mostly coffee shops and boba. It triggers me to open my own gallery. And damn, a lot has happened to me too.
Long story short, 2019 is the year I get to reconnect with some old friends. At first, I used my personal project, podcast — it’s been off for months now, to meet them again. I asked some friends if they were interested in becoming the podcast guests. Most of them said yes, and most of them didn’t stop there. We continue to chat at least weekly. Besides old friends, this year also I get to meet a lot of (great) people. I volunteered for some events, I made new friends. I emailed a lot of websites, asking whether they accept writing submissions. I went to seminars and listened to amazing stories. I asked people’s names before they ask mine. I stepped up my game. I joined an acting workshop. I push and test my limits. I say yes to a lot of things. It’s the delayed after-effect of watching Yes Man and reading The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. Some of my friends kept saying “How do you do all this?” over and over again. And my answer would always be “I, just, do it,”
What is time management anyway? It is supposed to be priority management.
I faced one of my biggest fear. I admitted my feelings are valid, my fears are real. At first, I talked about it to a friend, then to some friends, and then some more. There’s less weight on my chest and shoulder now. There is a way to process my fear. It’s getting better now, but I am so not done.
2019 is not an easy year for some of my friends. I have witnessed them cry, or muted themselves for days in class, or stopped playing social media, and others. But I am very glad, they made it until today. For me, 2019 is not the year full of loss.
One of my 2019 highlights is watching John Mayer’s concert live with my mom. It was magical, therapeutic, and cathartic. Not one second I feel ashamed of my mother. She rocks. She’s also my rock. She didn’t mind when I teared up during Slow Dancing, Stop This Train, I Guess I Just Feel Like, and mostly during Dear Marie. We have been listening to his songs for years. I wasn’t aware of how I actually started listening to his song since elementary. But my fondness towards him started to grow during middle school. John Mayer’s music has helped me in the past couple of years. Again, high school was a rough patch.
A lot of people have their own 2019 stories. Good or and bad. To sum up, 2019 is breathtaking. Both in an amazing and in an exhausting way. Just like one of the biggest campaign that happens in 2019, Mulai (aja dulu), I am just getting started. I am so not done.
I may be old and I may be young, but I am not done changing (Mayer, 2017)
Thank you for the experience, 2019. You gave me a lot of opportunities. Bismillah. See you tomorrow. See me in 2020. Be a part of my 2020. My gut’s saying it’s going to be good.
